The Best of Will Ferrell Quotes

"The Other Guys"

Terry Holtz (Mark Wahlberg): "I don't like you... If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I'd swim out into the ocean and EAT YOU!" Allen Gamble (Ferrell): "A lion, really? Lions don't like to swim! If you put it near a river, or some kind of fresh water source, that make sense. But the ocean? Swimming in 20 foot waves — I'm assuming it's off the coast of South Africa — to attack a 800-pound tuna with 20 or so of my friends with me? You'll lose that battle, my friend. You'll lose that battle 9 out of 10 times. [pauses] Did that turn out how you hoped? Nope."

"Old School"

"Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time." — Frank

"Elf"

"I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel." — Buddy

"Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"

Ron Burgundy: "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which, of course, in German means a whale's vagina." Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate): "No, there's no way that's correct." Ron: "I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago."Veronica: Doesn't it mean Saint Diego?Ron: No. No.Veronica: No, that's-that's what it means. Really.Ron: Agree to disagree.

"Kicking and Screaming"

Phil Weston (Ferrell): "You're my assistant. You're supposed to back me up and go get me juiceboxes whenever I want. Now go get me a juicebox!"Mike Ditka: "DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO?"Phil Weston: "I'm talkin' to the juicebox guy!"Mike Ditka: "You're crazy!" Phil Weston: "I'm not crazy, I'm just thirsty!"Mike Ditka: "OH, YOU GO TO HELL!"Phil Weston: "No, you go to hell, and while you're there, why don't you grab me a juicebox!"

"Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy"

[to his dog Baxer] "What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing. How 'bout we get you in your pj's and we hit the hay." — Ron Burgundy

"Talladega Nights"

"Well let me just quote the late-great Colonel Sanders, who said...'I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.'" — Ricky Bobby

"Land of the Lost"

"Matt Lauer can suck it!" — Dr. Rick Marshall

"Blades of Glory"

"I'm a sex addict. It's my cross to bear. It's a real disease with doctors and medicine and everything!" — Chazz Michael Michaels

"Talladega Nights"

"Dear Lord baby Jesus, lyin' there in your ghost manger, just lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors. I would like to thank you for bringin' me and my mama together, and also that my kids no longer sound like retarded gang-bangers." — Ricky Bobby

"Semi-Pro"

"Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!" — Jackie Moon

"Step Brothers"

"I'm so scared right now. I'm just gonna to do what's sensible, I'm gonna file for unemployment. Then I'm gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they... they give you the tools to be your own boss." — Brennan Huff

"Talladega Nights"

[television commercial] "Hey. I'm Ricky Bobby. When you're workin' on your mysterious lady parts and stuff, you should have the right tools too. That's why you should use... MayPax. The official tampon of NASCAR."

"Land of the Lost"

"Captain Kirk's nipples!" — Dr. Rick Marshall

"Wedding Crashers"

"HEY MOM! CAN WE GET SOME MEATLOAF? What is she doing back there? I never know what she's doing." — Chazz Reinhold