The Best of 'Modern Family'

Gloria (Sofia Vergara)

"I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy would be that I would get to relax. But with the swimming and running and rowing... it's how some of my relatives came to this country."

Jay (Ed O'Neill)

"Back in '68, when I was sweeping up hair in that barbershop, I had this mental picture of the family that, if I was lucky enough, I would end up with. Perfect wife, perfect kids... Well guess what? I didn't get any of that. I wound up with this sorry bunch. And I'm thankful for that every day. Well, most days."

Claire (Julie Bowen)

"You know how growing up we all had that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school."

Phil (Ty Burrell)

"I am brave. Roller coasters? Love 'em. Scary movies? I've seen Ghostbusters like 7 times. I regularly drive through neighborhoods that have only recently been gentrified. So yeah I am pretty much not afraid of anything. Except clowns. Never shared that with the 'fam, so shhh! I do have an image to maintain. I am not really sure where the fear comes from, my mother says it's cause when I was a kid I found a dead clown in the woods. But who knows?"

Mitchell (Jesse Tyler Ferguson)

"When I was twelve my father walked in on me doing the most embarrassing thing a boy can do: dancing to Madonna's 'Lucky Star.'"

Cameron (Eric Stonestreet)

"I've got a daughter who bites and a partner who stings."

Manny (Rico Rodriguez)

Manny Delgado: "Alex, do you realize that in two years we'll be graduating?" Luke Dunphy: "Quiet, Manny. I think I'm moving the ball with my mind." Manny Delgado: "Well, I'll be graduating."

Luke (Nolan Gould)

Luke Dunphy: "Did you know that more people die hiking than in the entire Civil War?"Alex Dunphy: "What book did you read that from again?" Luke Dunphy: "Book? It's called the Internet, grandma."

Haley (Sarah Hyland)

"You know what? Give your stupid little speech. Be an outcast. But you're only doing it to yourself. Because you're smart, pretty, and sorta funny in a way that I don't really get but other people seem to enjoy. You can either start fresh next year, or be the freak that flipped off her class."

Alex (Ariel Winter)

[on her sister having a better than expected SAT score but declaring she didn't want to college anyway] "We took the scenic route, but we still ended up the same place."

Jay

"Manny thinks his dad is like Superman. The truth, he's a total flake. In fact, the only way he's like Superman is that they both landed in this country illegally."

Gloria

Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: "I didn't come here to steal your thunder. Your thunder is your thunder and my thunder is my thunder." Claire Dunphy: "I know, it's just that God gave you so much thunder."

Claire

"I don't want you to judge me, but I have to say something. Sometimes, I wanna punch my kids. The last time they were horrible the way they were today, they happened to be all lined up... and I couldn't help but think if I hit just one of 'em... the rest would go down like dominoes."

Phil

"In nature, fathers are known to eat their young. Is it because they're delicious? No. It's because they want to give their female... bear, giraffe, what have you... the honeymoon they never had. Just to be clear: I don't condone eating your kids, although I sure as heck know why giraffes do it."

Mitchell

"I don't care what they say, kale is a good garnish, I don't think it's ready to anchor a meal."

Cameron

"I like meeting new people. We still keep in touch with some of the people we've met. Like Elunga, this man we met while in safari in Tanzania. We send him some of our old T-shirts. He was a nice man when we met him, but from his latest pictures we suspect he's become a warlord."

Manny

Manny Delgado: "I'm kind of wrestling with this whole older man/younger woman thing. It's like Chloe and I grew up in different worlds. Today, I made a joke about the Wiggles. It went right over her head." Jay Pritchett: "I don't know what that is." Manny Delgado: "It's an expression. It means she didn't get it."

Luke

"Leave it to me. I'll just do some creative editing. Just give me two hours, then another hour. Someone get me a chocolate milk, with extra salt."

Haley

Haley Dunphy: "I'm so bored, I'd rather be reading." Alex Dunphy: "I'm so bored, I chewed the last bug that flew into my mouth just to feel something." Haley Dunphy: "I'm so bored, I'm talking to you."

Alex

Alex Dunphy: "Why am I in a cage?" Claire Dunphy: "Because you're in a house of horrors. You are being held against your will." Alex Dunphy: "I know, so why am I in a cage?"